a calm blue sea

One summer I met depression when it was rainy. I thought often about driving nowhere. And wherever nowhere was, I thought about building a home there. I’ll put door on the porch and a lock on the door. I thought, I’ll lock myself inside. 

Surrounding myself with the hope that my demons wouldn’t follow from the somewhere I left them to the nowhere I am. But the thing about depression, is it always finds me. It isn't cute. It isn’t romantic. Depression is bottomless. Its falling into a nowhere and praying for impact. It will consume you. 

It makes it easy to say you’re okay, because this is a lot harder to explain. Would you understand if I told you, silence, is sometimes deafening. And my demons, they echo. Depression is silent. It’s crossing a street without looking both ways, and the envy felt whilst driving past cemeteries. It cannot be summarized by a word so trivial as “sad”. Escaping can be likened to an attempt to run from your shadow. 

It will follow you into the dark.