life is dull, nothing but one big lol

Dear Apathy, 

I don't really know where I should start. I never was good at writing letters. Especially the important ones. You were the one with all the words. And you always knew just the right combination of them to make me feel better. That's something I'll never forget.

But I can't keep quite about this any longer. And although I can't write this letter as well as you could, well, perhaps that's the point. I am sorry, Apathy, but I have to leave you. I know that must come as a shock, and believe me, I never imagined I would have to write those words. Least of all to you, but is true. I'm sorry, but I can't be in this relationship with you anymore. 

I suppose that requires some sort of explanation, and while I still haven't convinced myself that this is totally the right decision; the least I can do is tell you how I arrived here. Over the past few months, I've been doing some searching inside myself. I knew that something in my life wasn't right, and hadn't been for quite a while. And I wanted to know what that was. There was this deep unhappiness, an emptiness inside me that I knew I couldn't have been right. I felt like a seed, so much potential inside me for something greater. And yet something was preventing me from breaking out of the hard outer casing. 

I couldn't stand this any longer, so I went on a search for what it was. Each time I did this, there was a truth that bubbled up from my sub-conscious. And each time I didn't want to listen, because I didn't want it to be true. But we have to listen to our sub-conscious, as it knows far more than we care to admit. And once I did listen, I couldn't deny that truth any longer. It was you, Apathy, that was preventing me from flourishing me into a tree. 

Sorry, I'm talking in metaphors. I did say I wasn't good at writing letters. But, you understand what I am trying to say. You always did. Please don't take this too personally. If it wasn't for you, then I wouldn't be the same person that I'm today. You taught me so much about the world. And protected me from all sorts of things, that would have otherwise killed me. You helped me navigate the tangled webs of the outside world, without getting caught in them. It really is a jungle out there. And I can't thank you enough for what you have done for me so far. 

But over these past few months, I have come to realize something else. Maybe it's just me, but I feel better without you. Like my life has meaning again. When you go outside to smell the roses, it's normal to be worried about pricking your fingers on the thorns. That's something I had to come to realize on my own. It's a scary place without you, no question about that. And there are thorns around every corner. But I can't remain with you forever. And everyone leaves the world with a scar or two. 

So that's why I'm writing this letter. There's a cigarette in my left hand, more than a few tears on the pages. And I'm leaving you. I truly am sorry, and I'll miss your warm embrace more than anything in this world. But this is something I have to do for myself. There's someone out there for you. Some people remain seeds their whole life. But not me. I am a tree. And one day I'm going to look at my brilliant foliage and strong roots. Thank you for all that you have done for me, but I'll live my own life from here. All the best.